Alcoholism : The Relationship Shredder


Many, not distant enough, years ago I checked my ex girlfriend into a rehabilitation center for alcoholics and people with other types of chemical dependencies. At the time she was a raging alcoholic who was frequently violent and destructive. She was keenly aware of the deleterious effects of alcohol and was certainly aware that alcoholism could sever relationships and jeopardize her professional career. None of this slowed her alcohol consumption even slightly. And, oh yes, she played the genetics card frequently claiming that her biological father was an incorrigible substance abuser.

I learned via Al Anon, a support group for the family members of an alcoholic, that I was a classic enabler of her addiction and that she would take advantage of me at every turn for that next drink. Her addiction finally forced me to leave her. I had no choice as she had been through 3 jobs, was insolvent on the verge of bankruptcy and blaming the rest of the world for all her problems. I moved out of a house I was leasing, leaving her, and into an apartment realizing that was the only way to get rid of her. I remember going over one night to see how she was doing and being met by her dog and cat at the door along with a very pungent cigarette stench. She was not there and I was very sad to see her pets living in those conditions. We used to walk her dog and make fun of her very unique cat and to see them that way was emotionally devastating for me and to know that she was there alone in a home we used to share was unbearable for me to consider.

She eventually moved back to her home state with the help of AA members and her grandmother. She got her old job back and last I heard is attending alcoholic’s anonymous everyday and staying sober. I was reading her blog frequently which chronicled her journey through sobriety where most of her posts were descriptions of her strategies to remain sober. She often stated that the mere act of writing was healing, cathartic, therapeutic etc. She sometimes wrote in fashion that was indicative of someone who was trying to convince herself of various things rather than writing with firm resolution and that is great if it is helping her along. However, what often emerged was subtle resentment and thinly veiled criticisms which suggested an underlying bitterness over the way I handled my separation from her. The apparently sober reflections of hers indicate to me she still had no clue how impossibly difficult it had been for me to reside in the same household as her. She destroyed furniture, screamed at the top of her lungs, drank so much that her urine was dark brown, started fights with me, and was hateful mean and verbally abusive for the short list description. Policeman came to our residence 3 times. We were charged with disorderly house on their third trip which was about the time I decided to move out. She also had multiple instances of suicidal ideation and even fired a bullet into our bedroom wall.

Even after all of these flagrant infractions she still had the effrontery to criticize me for not handling the separation correctly and resented having to sell many of her belongings.

Something definitely wrong with the way she views reality. She criticized her grandmother, for various things, who happened to be the one person separating her from indigence. So it is not hard to conclude there is a screw loose somewhere in there.
She wrote that her father is the only one who “got her” and that she should try to find someone like him. That is, almost by definition, high maintenance.


5 comments on “Alcoholism : The Relationship ShredderAdd yours →

  1. Bob Forrest, certified addiction specialist, was recently on with Suzanne Malveaux discussing Dennis Rodman’s rehab from alcoholism. Rodman has intimated that missionary Kenneth Bae deserved his incarceration in North Korea while Malveaux hinted he should use his influence to free Bae.

  2. Many thanks and much gratitude to Lorual Peshka of Reflections and Recovery. She helps Roswell,NM women cope with and fight life threatening addiction and alcoholism in a town where there are very few jobs and extreme dependency on government handouts. Love you girlfriend! Thanks to Randal Seyler for exceptionally well written piece!!

  3. My son is hopeless alcoholic who attends Texas Tech in Lubbock. He is majoring in engineering, but was dealt a major setback when he hit a kid on a bike not far from tech campus while driving drunk.

    It was his second DWI arrest and we were saved by attorney Brian Loncar who got my boy a deferred adjudication with the possibility of expunging the arrest and conviction. Lawyer Brian Loncar is expensive but we trust him and are grateful my boy will be able to pursue his career.

    Arnie Wexler wrote about another addiction know as gambling when he describes the compulsive gambling behaviors of J.A. Davis who bet a lot of his parents money on Texas tech football games.

    1. Morbidly obese Clarissa Ulibarri, daughter of 53-year-old deceased Lawrence Ulibarri, is suing the city and office of medical investigators because her alcoholic father was found dead of natural causes and her and her alcoholic mother were not immediately notified.

      More alcoholics playing the blame game. They don’t deserve a penny. They would just spend it on booze and find other ways to file unjustified lawsuits!!!

  4. I hope millennial voices writer Keilee Templeman will find this post and comment on enabling behavior and addicts that blame everyone but themselves. I definitely advance the view the addict kills themselves, not the other way around!

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