Shouldn’t we call Emotional Rape something else


A close friend sent me an early Xmas gift in the form of a book titled the emotional rape syndrome by Michael Fox(curious what he knows about emotional rape being married to the doting Tracy Pollan). He had been through a devastating relationship with a woman he had fallen for hook, line, and sinker and has been through two marriages since then. He says he lost too much of his heart to his first love and should have never married the other two women due to intimacy issues created by the trauma of being jilted by his first love.

I skimmed through what, to me,  seems like a part self help work doing my best to not miss any crucial points, not dismissing the fact that many among us have felt unbearable pain exacted upon us by the very people we loved the most.

The author would have done well to pick another title for a book that otherwise is loaded with life changing advice and specific ways to avoid people who prey on your emotional state while feigning deep love for you. This is what Fox erroneously compares to rape. Let’s be clear. Physical rape cannot generally be avoided. However, emotional rape, as Fox defines it, can be avoided by getting the hell out of Dodge once you see the telltale signs of abuse.

There are obviously  true victims with respect to physical rape. “Emotional rape victim” is a misnomer. Think about it! You are victimizing yourself by staying with such a person. With physical rape, person is legally a victim due to the element of coercion present. No coercion is involved in “emotional rape” making it victimless albeit a despicable and cruel thing to do to another human being! REMEMBER, walk out of relationship and cut your losses before you are in too deep and are filled with the type of anger and bitterness that will harden your heart and make it more difficult to find and sustain future loving relationships.

I want to close with an apology for all you folks who gave your heart to somebody and then had it wadded up and thrown into nearest trash can. I know what I said may have come off as callous and indifferent, but you are misusing the term rape in order to create yet another class of victims in a country that is chockablock full of em. I fully believe in the value of the book’s content but would have preferred the title Avoiding Love Predators like the love psycho East of Eden character Cathy Ames.

May you find peace and God Bless your souls.





8 comments on “Shouldn’t we call Emotional Rape something elseAdd yours →

  1. I think you should read the reviews of Karen J. Strain, Vickie Cosic, John Martin, Shawn Lowe, Sara Bell, Lisa E. Scott, Mary Jo Fay and S. Pohlman. Reading, in particular the accounts of Lowe and Bell, reels you in with respect to how much these people gave of themselves only to be emotionally ripped apart by heartless men who enjoy hurting people. It is never a one way street. If you had the same kind of shit happen to you, I doubt you would have any qualms with book’s title. Nobody has a squeaky clean past. I am, at least, glad you recognize the book has self help value even though it is not classified that way.

    1. You are right on about it being two way street. Many Alcoholics play the victim card. So it is natural for them to cry about being emotionally raped because they blame their bosses, dads, colleagues,spouse,etc….everybody but themselves for their irresponsible drinking.

      Michael Fox boozed it up and did drugs long before his PD diagnosis. Alcoholics and druggies rape themselves and then have the gall to blame it on people who tolerated them way too long.

      It is a never ending cycle with substance people and alcoholics. They hit rock bottom and join AA to be with a group who will feel sorry for them. They get through the program and latch on to some unsuspecting soul using their charm to lure them in. Then the enabling begins until person has the sense to leave them. This goes on repeatedly til addict is dead or in the streets. Its tragic because they do not have the strength to quit which is often converted into anger and drinking and dialing episodes with the people that left them. Then a celebrity comes along and writes a book that unites them into the us versus them mindset where raging alcoholics don’t get why they can not keep their relationships going(claiming BS things like emotional rape) and they keep ending up alone without employment with even their families giving up on them.

    2. Have close friends in Rifle, Gypsum, and Grand Junction Colorado who have battled the bottle off and on for a long time. The AA support and beautiful country were instrumental in their continued recovery.

      The author of this article could not have been close to anybody who is an addict or be an addict. Emotional Rape is real whether you recognize it or not. Don’t be so authoritative sounding when you don’t have any experience.

      1. The book Psychopaths and Love has similar theme. There are definitely psychopaths at large who do not physically kill, but do so emotionally. Addicts sometimes gravitate to this personality type for whatever reasons. What gets left out in the book is the binge drinking,failed previous marriages, inability to hold down a job, and even blaming others for your drinking issues. My advice is to stay single unless one is DAMN SURE! Single Contentedness is practiced by many in the Philippines and is preferable to the nasty marriage culminating in an expensive and extreme stress inducing divorce!

        1. Tommy,

          I would like to add something to your comment. You spoke of Single Contentedness in Manila. I believe it is more understood, accepted, and practiced by Pinoys because In the Philippines, a husband and wife can only separate through death, or the abysmally depressing process of annulment. Ana P. Santos can provide more depth and breadth on the arduous, time consuming, and full of hassles process of getting an annulment. In light of the rigidly strict marriage laws there, one can see why many denizens of the island nation would prefer being single and enjoying happy hours!! Ana, who is quite sexy, also writes lucidly on the motherless generations of kids whose mom is part of the well known OFW group. Many families have been torn apart with Filipinas going to work in the USA to try and take care of their families financially only to marry an American citizen. Such a tragic circumstance.

    3. Many alcoholics blame their lack of accountability on anybody but themselves. They see themselves as survivors of emotional abuse. Alcoholics believe they were victims of disordered people is our only way out. Avoid alcoholics at all costs Do NOT enable them. They will steal money from their own parents, make fun of their husbands little penis, drink and dial, be pissed off ar their father for not having attended their high school soft ball game, dry drunk temper tantrums, not be able to hold down a job. Do not intertwine your life with excuse making alcoholic!!

    4. Are you familiar with the case of the Villanova student who was a convicted felon they caught carrying a gun which violated the terms of his probation?

      His only defense was that, because the police did not have reasonable suspicion to conduct a Terry stop when they seized him, the evidence discovered as a result of the stop and corresponding frisk was obtained in violation of the Fourth Amendment and should have been suppressed. We agree. We now hold that the District Court erred in identifying the moment of seizure, and that the officers did not have reasonable suspicion when they actually seized Him. Accordingly, we will reverse the District Court’s denial of His suppression motion.

      BTW Pennsylvania law schools are among The nations best. Graduates like Maureen Belluscio and other exemplary students are proof in the pudding.

  2. Read The Psychology of Love which was beautifully edited by Michele A. Paludi. Some very honest commentary about what constitutes rape and how term is overused. One of the top white female fantasies is to be gang raped by a young group of black professional athletes. However, after about an hour of lascivious mind numbing orgasms, the next day some women feel degraded and scream rape. There are swinger couples in NYC that actually pay to live out these type of fantasies and there are the professional victims who want it both ways.

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